Y is for Yolks & Jokes

YI’m fed of being informative and serious – lets get silly!  I noticed that a few people on the Challenge have resorted to pages of jokes when they have given up for that day – is that a fair appraisal – I don’t know – but this is what I am doing!

Would have written a learned post on egg yolks, but I can do that another day – so lets have some jokes instead……Except that I don’t know any, apart from ………

iu

Why did the chicken cross the road?  

(to get to the other side)

but I have found some Individual perspectives on the matter ……

iuWoody Allen:

I mean, it was, it was … a legal chicken … It wasn’t like it was a blood relative or anything. (And don’t believe anything that Mia says about me.) 

Aristotle: 
To actualize its potential.

The Dead Sea Scrolls:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

iuJack Benny: 
I’m thinking. … I’m thinking 

Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

James Cagney: 
It crossed twice. The dirty double-crosser.

Albert Camus: 
It doesn’t matter; the chicken’s actions have no meaning except to him. 

iuJohn Cleese:
This Chicken is no more. It has ceased to function. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It’s a stiff. If it wasn’t nailed to the road it’d be pushing up daisies. It’s snuffed it. It’s metabolic processes are now history. It’s bleeding demised. It’s rung down the curtain, shuffled off the mortal coil and joined the bleeding Choir Invisible. This is an Ex-Chicken. Ergo, it did not cross the road. 

Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads 

James Dean: 
To prove he wasn’t chicken. 

Albert-Einstein-9285408-1-402Albert Einstein: 
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson: 
It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it. 

M.C.Escher: 
That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time. 

Freud: 
The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. 

iuBill Gates: 
To purchase Chicken 2.01a, which will both cross roads and calculate the energy it used. There are bugs, yes, but if you uninstall Traffic 2.0 and Farmer 1.2 it will run. If it freezes at WhiteLine 2.0, we have a patch … 

Dirk Gently (Holistic Detective): 
I’m not exactly sure why, but right now I’ve got a horse in my bathroom. 

Grandpa: 
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. 

Sherlock Holmes: 
Do not concern yourself with the chicken that did cross the road; the answer lies with the chicken that did not cross the road. 

Saddam Hussein: 
It is the Mother of all Chickens.  

CGJungCarl Jung: 
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads. This brought such occurrences into being. 

Immanuel Kant: 
The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will. 

iuMartin Luther King, Jr.: 
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. 

Timothy Leary: 
Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. 

John Locke: 
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty. 

Machiavelli: 
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was. 

Karl Marx: 
It crossed twice. First time, it was a tragedy; second time, a farce. 

iuGroucho Marx: 
Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs. 

Jackie Mason:
Whaddaya want, it should just stand there?

Jack Nicholson:
‘Cause it ***** wanted to. That’s the ****** reason.

220px-Richard_M._Nixon,_ca._1935_-_1982_-_NARA_-_530679Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

George Orwell:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Plato:
For the greater good.

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

Jean-Paul Sartre:
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

iuArnold Schwartznegger:
It vill be back.

Jerry Seinfeld:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?”

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road,
but why he crossed, I’ve not been told!

180px-Stalin_ImageJoseph Stalin:
I don’t care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelet.

Oliver Stone:
The question is not “Why did the chicken cross the road?” but is rather “Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

Thomas de Torquemada:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

west - maeMae West:
I invited it to come up and see me sometime..

Source: http://www.weirdity.com/jokes/chicken.shtml

 

And if you are still reading – I couldn’t resist this one!

After watching sales falling ………  iu

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, ”What can I do?”
The Colonel says, ”I need you to change the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’. If you do it, I’ll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican.”
The Pope replies, ”I am sorry. That is the Lord’s prayer and I can not change the words.”
So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.
”Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I’ll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken.”’
And the Pope responds, ”It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord’s prayer, and I can’t change the words.”
So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales the Colonel gets desperate. ”This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’ I will donate $100 million to the Vatican.”
The Pope replies, ”Let me get back to you.”
So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, ”I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican.”

The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news.
The Pope replies, ”The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account.”

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Chicken#ixzz3YLBuP2OK